NOT A REVIEW OF TUNEYARDS @ The Captain’s Rest, 15/06/11

WHAT THE BLUE FUCK IS THIS? Somebody has sent this in claiming it is both a review of the Tuneyards show at the rest last week, and a preview of an upcoming TIWC-All-Dayer at The Liquid Ship which isn’t happening. IT IS NEITHER OF THESE THINGS. ALL WE REALLY WANT TO DISCUSS IS MUSIC IN GLASGOW THAT IS HAPPENING.

I am putting it up to exemplify the kind of loose grip on something so simple as ‘reality’ we deplore, with two scans of the paper so you can read the opposing columns. There are obvious correspondences which i’ve noted below – the first paragraph corresponds with the eighth, the second with the seventh and so on.

First Column

Second Column

1/8)  JUNE the Vupline stock-broker / Contract killings.

2/7) Shoddy flats in the West-end / Mental illness in Woodlands.

3/6) Careerists / The hopeless situation many graduates find themselves in today (‘Get Yo Paws on the Ladder’ is a Gropetown B-Side promoting the use of Shepard Tones in all mainstream pop releases)

4/5) Crime as a means of earning a living.

5/4) The false promise of Summer / Lethargy / Vagina Dentata  (‘The White Hot Coals of Insanity’ is rumoured to be a short story by Henry James, since lost).

6/3) Salutation of unspeakable origin, presumably plagiarised from a review of the ‘Ceremony of Bruised Crocodiles’ posted earlier this month.

7/2) Silence / You know when you go to a party and take alot of drugs and fall asleep in the morning, and you have lots of fleeting dreams about the same party except things happen differently? This is probably a review of that party, which of course only YOU went to.

8/1) Oedipus Complex / Summary.

I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS.

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About Xavier Boucherat

Journalist / Writer - www.cargocollective.com/jxb1
This entry was posted in Lies, Live Reviews, Reviews and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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