I have awoken. I am genuinely surprised I have been allowed to live. I emerged from the nightmare of piss-ridden non-entity when I heard a neighbour listening to Darkthrone. ‘None of that!’ I declared, and promptly thundered through the block to flood the bastard’s flat. Mission accomplished! Take that, counter-culture!
I returned to my flat to put on some trousers and re-fill my bucket, when the postman showed up with a copy of the Ultimate Thrush 7′. ‘Good luck getting that through the door ey!’ I yelled, before soaking him too for wearing a fucking Immortal hoodie! Honestly!
Anyway. I can’t listen to this record. You would literally need a deck with a radius the size of a five year old to do so, and if I did have something like that you can be sure the stoner bastards across the hall would immediately kick down my door and break the fucking thing by trying to ride it. FUCK YOU SOCIETY. MORE COPS.
Hats off to the lads for coming over from the continent and trying to appease the punters by taking on the imperial system but i’m going to have to give this particular specimen a C for ‘Crack another one Des!’. See ‘HERE COMES THE METRIC SYSTEM!’ by Wilson, M. (1998, Cannongate) for more info. That’s all for now.
– Desmond Price