Shocking scenes last Saturday when one concerned citizen attempted to lock what he considered to be the finest in glasgow culture within a practice space cum venue named after a vessel within which one historical figure attempted a similar manoeuvre following a global flooding event which the aforementioned denizen concerned suspects may repeat itself sooner rather than later (This is honestly dreadful. It’s not especially funny, is incredibly clumsy, and is a complete fabrication. I understand you’ve been drinking heavily for seven hours now but really, who in sodomy is going to enjoy this?)
Were there even any fucking bands at this? I heard some lads impersonating ultimate thrush locked themselves in one of the spaces and played the intro from start today for two fucking hours. I doubt it though. I seriously doubt it. Dave Ghrol circa 94 was also here, as were three other Dave Ghrol circa 94’s. Good-time boys.
Saw a topless man try to start a fight with a bus yesterday. ‘You’re going down!’ cried he, menacingly brandishing a five iron, before becoming tired of the cliched caricature of a mad-jakey-bastard-strolling-down-Victoria-road-on-a-sunny-afternoon he suspected he had become. He’s thinking about going for a degree. Good luck to you mate, I still want you arrested. MAIR COPS.
– I Know Ian Paisley