Is that a polar bear i can see. Were they just more fucking sociable back then or something.

Shocking scenes last Saturday when one concerned citizen attempted to lock what he considered to be the finest in glasgow culture within a practice space cum venue named after a vessel within which one historical figure attempted a similar manoeuvre following a global flooding event which the aforementioned denizen concerned suspects may repeat itself sooner rather than later (This is honestly dreadful. It’s not especially funny, is incredibly clumsy, and is a complete fabrication. I understand you’ve been drinking heavily for seven hours now but really, who in sodomy is going to enjoy this?)

Were there even any fucking bands at this? I heard some lads impersonating ultimate thrush locked themselves in one of the spaces and played the intro from start today for two fucking hours. I doubt it though. I seriously doubt it. Dave Ghrol circa 94 was also here, as were three other Dave Ghrol circa 94’s. Good-time boys.

Saw a topless man try to start a fight with a bus yesterday. ‘You’re going down!’ cried he, menacingly brandishing a five iron, before becoming tired of the cliched caricature of a mad-jakey-bastard-strolling-down-Victoria-road-on-a-sunny-afternoon he suspected he had become. He’s thinking about going for a degree. Good luck to you mate, I still want you arrested. MAIR COPS.

– I Know Ian Paisley


About Xavier Boucherat

Journalist / Writer -
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