JULY DIGEST, VARIOUS VENUES, PARTY TIME, ALL THE FUCKING TIME, EVERYWHERE

WELLLL IT’S been emotional but i’ve finally come down off of that one ecto i took around the end of June. It’s been a marvelous summer thus far! Here are some highlights –

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The Sufferinfuck lads enjoying the ‘carnival atmosphere’ of the merchant city ‘festival’ just before taking to the ‘stage’.

BUGGERINFUCK AT MERCHANT CITY ‘FESTIVAL’, 13TH NOTE

Sufferinbuggers, the only band in Glasgow. Top shelf. Great to see Bill Bailey back on guitar.

Hear this, No Island – you’ve got some ‘killer licks’, and some great songs for the lads when they’ve had a few, but DF-are-shite chat is bad enough when everyone in the room who knows what you’re on about has known that for three years. However you managed to further exacerbate things by following it up with a solid admission that you DID A CONCERT WITH DF and that it turns out that THEY’RE MAINLY INTERESTED IN THE MONEY? WHAT AN EARTH DID YOU MELONHEADS EXPECT?! Immediately after this sordid confessional, you REPEATEDLY praise the crowd for their ability to remain in the room with you, despite them not being of the ‘hardcore’ persuasion. YES, GOOD JOB YOU LOT, WELL DONE FOR NOT FUCKING OFF DESPITE NOT HAVING GHC TATTOOED ON YOUR FACE AND NOT HAVING SIGNED UP FOR CLOCKED OUT’S NOW-INFAMOUS ‘WORKFARE-FOR-HARDCORE’ PROGRAM. WHERE’S MY FUCKING MONEY MICK. ALSO, ‘GHC BOYS?’ THERE’S ONLY ONE OF THEM FOR GOD’S SAKE! Now look, I’m an amiable type, I’m just saying, it’s a bit patronising, a bit crass, and a bit silly to follow up talk of DF concerts with somewhat contrived talk of ‘hardcore’.

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THE OLYMPIC GAMES

COKE BUS

WHERE’S THE COKE. WHO’S COKE IS THIS. IT’S MINE NOW. GREAT TO SEE BILL BAILEY BACK ON GUITAR. GIG IS A T FOR TOP-FROWN DOWN RANKING.

G-TOWN CONCERTE IS A MUST. ‘SOMEONE TELL EM’ TO BUGGER OFF AND PUT A T-SHIRT ON.

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JUDAS ASPARAGUS. GEDDIT? IF NOT, SMOKE MORE WEED ASAP.

ASPARAGUS PISS DRIP WASHOUT

Honestly, someone needs to tell that West Princess lot to go to bed, I mean they’re great fun an all and I genuinely enjoyed bits of this, particularly the amateur gymnastics, but they’ve all been awake since I got here which is FIVE YEARS AGO NOW, and I think they’re getting a bit jittery. There’s an old man at my work who keeps telling me to ‘carry on as usual’. He says it in a coarse whisper. What he’s really asking for is for help. THIS WILL BE YOU IF YOU DON’T CHILL OUT AND STICK ON A PASTELS RECORD EVERY SO OFTEN.

Right! That’s all for now! Me and my lawyer Charles Hercule Lynch QC have to go and prepare my case for my Back-to-Work interview tomorrow. It’s going to be tough! It’s going to be real! Free Kashif, ban GHC! Goodnight!

– Desmond Prints

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About Xavier Boucherat

Journalist / Writer - www.cargocollective.com/jxb1
This entry was posted in Live Reviews, Reviews, Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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