RIP DESMOND SHAWMAN PRINCE

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It is with no small amounts of regret and bewilderment that we unhappily report the passing of Desmond Shawman Prince, formerly Desmond Becirbecovic. The precise circumstances are unclear, however according to reports, Prince’s home was broken into just after half midnight by members of the violently middling Glaswegian screamo outfit ‘Departures’, although at least one source is claiming it was actually Flood of Red.

Neither band were given any coverage by Prince, who on more than one occasion branded them ‘Terminally Unexceptional’, and in a draft for a Metal Hammer review described their live set as ‘An utterly nullifying experience. Absolutely debilitating’. Prince did not finish the draft for fear that the article would write itself out of existence.What followed is unclear. Prince was able to provide some thoughts on the event as it happened via twitter, before presumably relinquishing his mother’s HTC. Prince was found on the kitchen table, dressed in what could only be described as ‘painfully average’ attire.

As in line with Desmond’s beliefs, his body will be left alone to rot upon the table, never to be disturbed, and every-day life will proceed as if he weren’t even there. Prince’s landlord, one Alasdair Johnman Dhillon, has had an embroidery hung above the fireplace which details what he believed to be the three beliefs Prince lived his life by. These were ‘The Fear of God, People, and Hard Work to Get You Through’.

Unfortunately Dhillon has mistaken the deceased for the wrong Desmond Prince. This has some very serious consequences, not least that Apedu Desmond Prince is now the only individual among the festering entirety of mankind who may validly serve as the blogs chief contributor, a task which we suspect he is totally and irrevocably not up for.

You may follow the new editor-in-chief’s musings here -> https://twitter.com/papedu1

It could of been you, but it isn’t.

Goodnight.

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About Xavier Boucherat

Journalist / Writer - www.cargocollective.com/jxb1
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